Forgive me, Reader, for I have sinned. It’s been two weeks since my last confession.
The truth is, I’m getting old. Sometimes I’m too tired to blog. I know, I know. There’s nothing you can do about ageing. It’s just a natural process. But what happened to those days when I had more hair on my head than on my back?
My youngest son F asked me this week, ‘Dad, how did you go bald?’
He was in the back of the car, no doubt looking at the deforested head in the driver’s seat.
‘My hair fell out,’ I said.
The answer didn’t seem to satisfy him. I knew what he was really asking – WHY? Like, why is the sky blue, why are there so many stars, why are we here on this lonely little planet hurtling through space at a million miles every half second?
He needed a big answer to a big question. In reality, though, I had no idea why my hair fell out. Sometimes I look for it in random places or call out to it, hoping it will come home. Honestly, though, after all this time I think it really is gone. Why it chose to leave, how I offended it so deeply, I will never know.
I’m trying not to be the grumpy old person I’m creeping toward. I really don’t want to be that guy. But, I feel duped. I know the future will be far from golden and unlikely to feature hoverboards. Then again, I understand the Hollywood mindset. Who would want to buy a ticket to watch a real future: one of memory loss, incontinence and unhappy nursing home staff with mops and buckets?
I think old age is just a consolation prize. I know you’re not supposed to say that. I’m here, so I should just stop whingeing, right?
My eldest son, J, told me they’re making another Star Wars film. It’s either a prequel to the sequel or a sequel to the prequel. Anyway, it features all the old cast members, even the guy who played Chewbacca. They reckon Chewy looks exactly the same as in the original films too, he’s just got a few more grey hairs.
One thing I know without doubt: those actors may all have false teeth, adult nappies and unwanted hair in unwanted places, but they will be beautiful for the screen. The Force will be strong in them (except for Han Solo who was always a bit of a skeptic) and they will save the day. Sure that stuff happened a long time ago (not in the future), in a galaxy far, far away, but what I’m saying is movie props won’t save you from the decline that comes with ageing.
The Force would whimper, shrivel up and die in the face of the The Ageing. To paraphrase Obi-Wan Kenobi, “The Ageing is what takes away a Jedi’s power. It’s an anti-energy field that makes you want to have Nanna naps. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It takes away our hair.”